So You Think Your Relationship Is Over — How Do You Decide What to Do?
Couples Counseling and Relationship Therapy in Lincolnville, Maine
At some point in many relationships, a difficult question may arise:
“Is this relationship over - or is there still something here worth working on?”
For couples and individuals in Lincolnville, Maine, this question may arrive quietly. After months of tension, repeated arguments, emotional distance, or the exhaustion that comes from trying the same conversations over and over again, you may feel a little defeated.
Now is a good time to pause and ask yourself (and maybe your partner if that feels safe):
Are we stuck?
Or are we done?
Is change possible?
Have we actually tried the right kind of help?
Are we reacting to pain, or responding thoughtfully?
What would it mean to truly “do the work” in this relationship?
These questions require reflection, not just reaction.
Relationship Therapy
At The Maine Relationship Institute, therapist Ben Borkan works with individuals and couples across the Midcoast Maine region, including Lincolnville, who want to understand their relationship more clearly before deciding what comes next.
This moment is not just about whether to stay together or separate.
It’s about understanding what is happening between two people — and what is possible.
What Couples Therapy Actually Helps You Do
Couples counseling in Lincolnville, Maine, often focuses on helping partners:
Understand repeating conflict patterns
Improve communication under stress
Increase the ability to tolerate difficulties in the relationship
Rebuild emotional trust
Clarify needs and expectations
Decide consciously whether to repair or separate
Therapy creates a structured space where both partners can slow down enough to understand what is happening beneath the surface of arguments or emotional distance.
Many couples discover that conflict itself is not the problem. Rather, the unexamined patterns are.
Have You Done “The Work”?
People often say they have “tried everything.” But relationship repair usually requires something more specific than effort alone. Emotion-Focused Therapy, for example, may be able to help you first make note of and then reprocess negative neural pathways and interactions that may lead to distress.
EFT can help you as an individual, and is also effective for couples and even families.
“Doing the work” in a relationship can also include:
Learning how emotional reactions escalate conflict
Practicing listening without defensiveness
Identifying personal responsibility within conflict cycles
Rebuilding trust through consistent behavioral change
These are skills, not personality traits. And the excellent news is that skills can be learned. This is one reason couples counseling can be effective even when relationships feel stuck.
What Is On the Line If You Stay Together?
Staying in a relationship without change can mean:
Continued emotional disconnection
Repeated unresolved conflict
Loss of intimacy and trust
Stress affecting children or family systems
Personal growth is being postponed
But staying and working intentionally on a relationship can lead to:
Stronger communication skills
A deeper understanding of one another
Greater ability to tolerate difficult emotions
Renewed partnership
A more stable family system
The outcome depends less on history and more on willingness to engage differently moving forward.
What Is On the Line If You Don’t Stay Together?
Ending a relationship can bring relief, but also complexity.
Separation or divorce often involves:
Grief and identity shifts
Family restructuring
Financial changes
Co-parenting challenges
Emotional recovery
For some couples, separation is the healthiest path.
For others, therapy reveals possibilities they could not see while caught up in the conflict.
The goal of therapy is not preservation at all costs. The goal is clarity.
Couples Counseling in Lincolnville, Maine: What to Expect
At The Maine Relationship Institute, couples therapy typically focuses on:
Understanding conflict patterns rather than assigning blame
Creating emotional safety during difficult conversations
Building practical communication tools
Exploring whether repair is possible
Supporting thoughtful decision-making
Therapist Ben Borkan works with couples and individuals from Lincolnville and across Midcoast Maine who want to approach their relationships with intention, curiosity, and honesty.
Some couples come in crisis, and others come to prevent one.
Both are appropriate times to seek help.
Relationship Therapy Is Also for Individuals
Not everyone arrives with a partner.
Individual therapy can help someone:
Understand relationship patterns
Clarify boundaries
Process conflict or betrayal
Prepare for difficult decisions
Build emotional awareness
Often, individual insight changes relationship dynamics — even if only one person attends therapy.
Questions People Often Ask About Couples Therapy
Can couples therapy help when a relationship feels over?
Yes. Couples therapy helps partners understand whether problems are repairable and what changes would be required from both people.When should couples seek counseling?
Couples counseling is helpful when communication breaks down, conflict repeats without resolution, emotional distance grows, or major relationship decisions are being considered.Is couples therapy only for married people?
No. While couples therapy can support married couples, it’s also effective for long-term partners, dating partners, and even close relational conflicts.Does couples therapy save relationships?
Sometimes, but its primary purpose is helping people make thoughtful, informed decisions about their relationships.Where can I find couples counseling near Lincolnville, Maine?
The Maine Relationship Institute provides couples counseling, marriage counseling, and individual therapy for residents of Lincolnville and surrounding Midcoast Maine communities.
A Different Way to Think About the Question
Instead of asking: “Is this relationship over?”
Therapy often reframes the question as: “Do we understand what is happening well enough to decide?”
That shift alone can change the conversation.
Relationships rarely end because people care too little. More often, they end because people don’t know how to repair what hurts.
Help can make that difference clearer.
Ben Borkan, LCSW & MRI Founder
Contact Us To Begin
If you live in Lincolnville or the surrounding Midcoast Maine community, The Maine Relationship Institute is here to help. You can contact MRI or schedule a 15-minute complimentary consultation to get started.
You (and your partner) don’t have to decide the future of your relationship alone.
Your relationship may feel stuck, disconnected, or uncertain. If you want to understand what is happening between you, a thoughtful conversation can make a meaningful difference.
Couples counseling offers a structured way to slow down, listen differently, and decide what comes next with greater clarity.
